How to stay safe with online and in person dating

Even though evidence from Ofcom’s latest 2024 survey suggests that online dating is in decline, particularly with Gen Z, there are still a very significant number of women for whom advice on how to date online and in person would perhaps save them from embarrassment, if not harm.

Meeting people online has been seen as the easy option for connecting with people

Meeting people online is a popular option for connecting with people, either casually or with the intention of forming a more serious relationship. It can be flattering and exciting to discover that someone out there likes you and shares your interests. While many online encounters are from genuine, sincere individuals, there are those who would want to get to know you for malevolent reasons and who you have to be aware of.

The top dating platforms in the UK, with by far the largest numbers of users are Tinder, Hinge and Bumble and each of these has a different way of working aimed at their target audience. Before you decide to engage with online dating it would be worthwhile studying these dating websites, and the others which are available, to see what they offer, who they are suitable for and what special features they have to keep you safe.

Many dating apps now have systems in place to improve safety by verifying the identity of their users

Many dating apps now have systems in place to improve safety by verifying the identity of their users. This is usually done with facial recognition, but this is not necessarily enough to avoid those who wish to circumnavigate security measures. They might have block and report policies and bans on harassment and hate speech, but these are only relevant when you have already been affected by unwanted communications.

There are various precautions which you can take when using a dating app.

There are various precautions which you can take when using a dating app. The first is to take things slowly and cautiously and try not to get caught up with the thrill of meeting someone who you think could be your perfect match. If that person is being deceitful there will be red flags popping which you may be unaware of. For instance, they might have very few details about themselves on their dating app profile, and when you investigate further, they might not have any presence on social media either.

Be patient and take your time to get to know your date

If someone pressurises you to sign off the dating app and to use social media outlets to communicate with them, refuse and remain cautious. Another warning sign of someone who is not genuine is for them to ask for money from you and personal information about you. This can occur after they have given you some story of financial or personal difficulties, having subtly built up your trust over time.

. . . it is important to try to retain an emotional distance until you feel more comfortable with the encounter

Scammers will also try to love bomb you, so it is important to try to retain an emotional distance until you feel more comfortable with the encounter. Overall use your intuition. If it does not feel right, then something is wrong with this person. Why not get a second opinion form a close friend or family member to read through your communications with your online date. Sometimes an outsider can spot things you have missed in your enthusiasm to believe this is ‘the one’.

Having satisfied yourself that you want to move the online date to an in person meeting there are still important precautions you should take, just in case. Seeing someone in person is much more informative than viewing them impersonally on a screen. Your instincts kick in and you will assess this person from visual and other behavioural cues. They say we sum up someone within seven seconds of meeting them in person, so trust your gut feeling rather than rely on logic!

With your safety again in mind, arrange to meet in a crowded public place, such as a café, library or public park, in daylight

With your safety again in mind, arrange to meet in a crowded public place, such as a café, library or public park, in daylight, where, if things get awkward you can just get up and leave. Tell a family member or friend where and when you will be and at what time you expect to return. You might even want to share your location using a phone tracking app which others have access to. Make sure you have enough money to get home and do not accept a lift from your date unless you are absolutely sure of their good intentions. If in any doubt refuse politely.

There is nothing you can really do to absolutely guarantee your safety when dating on-line or in person with a relative stranger. If you are looking for a lifetime partner or a casual hook up, dating should be a safe and a mutually enjoyable experience. However, you can reduce your risk of harm by taking heed of these simple measures. It is only with time that you will feel confident to let go and to move on to the next stage of your relationship with them.